9 posts tagged “love”
so, hello. it's been awhile i know. facebook has kind of ruined my blogging. but i hope to rectify that.
this winter i was kind of slumpy and had a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything. but that seems to be changing as spring keeps trying to make it's presence known.
one of the cool things that i've done lately, is make this video that'd i'd love for you to check out. it was filmed on April 3rd, the day the Iowa Supreme Court legalized gay marriage.
This last Saturday, Monica the Amazing threw a crepe party for all of the Sagitarians in the clan. She creped away while friends and family filled up those delicious delights with bananas, strawberries, blueberries, nutella and homemade whipped cream (yuuuuum!!) - to name some of the goodies spread out on the table. So here are some pics from that party as well as some pics from the walk back home.
Shell and Kats had their very special Bday party tonite at our friends' Gen and Alex's. The food- amazing! The cake- heavenly! The company- The Best!
so this coming week is the last week before classes start. damn it. i remember getting excited right before the beginning of last semester. i remember the first day of classes walking around with a smile plastered on my face- i was talking only classes for my major- no more gen ed, no more french, no more distractions. and then came the series of bitch slaps in various forms from various people. by the end of it, i just wanted to nail a spike into the heart of the semester like the fun sucking vampire it had become (with the exception of my nonfiction video class which i loved and will surely miss this semester). so i have few illusions about this coming semester. however, it is my last, last, last semester of school as i graduate in May, thank you baby jesus. so my attitude is to say "fuck it" and actually have some fun. this last semester is for me. and if people don't like it, they can eat my laughter.
during this break, i've been laying around reading graphic novels from the library, books on past life regression, listening to coast to coast on youtube, and most recently, i've been watching clips on youtube feature Dame Edna Everage and the various incarnations of her talk shows. and honestly, it has taken me about two weeks or more to realize that it was okay just to relax and be a big lump of lazy. that i didn't have to whip myself into a frenzy of productiveness. that it is perfectly okay to sink into this languid pressure free pool of ease. yes, that pesky lesson of being nice to myself (the "don't be so hard on yourself" message from the universe) seems to be one of the hardest things to train myself to do. Julia Cameron calls it "get serious about having fun." it's true- the more air you breath, the better the brain works.
and now, if you've not already met her, allow me to share with you a few snippets of Dame Edna- talk show host and tv personality extraordinaire:
Today is my friend, Jon Hansen’s birthday. Jon is one of
those amazing people in my life that I literally thank God for every night
before I go to sleep. He always extends love to me and has been there for me on
more than one occasion when I’ve broken down and needed a shoulder to cry on
and someone to hear my pain. He’s this amazing combination of logic and
compassion. Jon’s remarkable in that he is able to offer a clear perspective
while still being emotionally accessible. He’s talented, funny, authentic,
loving, creative, astonishingly intelligent, an incredible cook, a gifted
musician and a really, really good dad.
I am truly blessed to know him and have him in my life.
I love you, Jon. Happy Birthday!!
oh, and he's also a Mr. McHottie, if you haven't noticed... ;>
and hello.
so this first week off of school; i've been mostly laying around my apartment sleeping, a little watching of videos from the library or reading of the books- which i guess isn't bad. and yes, i really do enjoy slacking between classes, but this was mostly due to the fact that i had one of those "summer colds" which i've been trying to lovingly beat into submission. i've been taking mass amounts of garlic, which has really helped, but yesterday it started settling down into my chest and lungs. i'm sounding pretty butch, i must say. if only i could access this voice at a moment's notice and not after a week of feeling like crud.
my dear, wonderful and blessed friend Monica made me some homemade cough syrup today. it was a two to three hour process, but she thought nothing of it. it is a remedy that she has perfected over the years involving echinacea, licorice root, thyme, and marshmallow root- just some of the ingredients (maybe Monica will expand upon this on her blog page??). And a good heaping help of honey "to make the medicine go down." it is actually quite yummy. i had a hard time not just drinking the whole thing at once. so i gave Monica a new nickname (one more on the growing list i've given her over the years) -- "Monica Poppins"- cuz she is my spoonful of sugar. (corny you say?? no- just true!)
here's a lil' picture of Monica's magical elixir:
so yep, M day. i've got oatmeal on the stove w/ raspberry kefir and soymilk just waiting to boil.
this is one of those holidays that i am usually left out of, as a single gay man. i emailed friends to see what was going on, and no one emailed me back- save one friend who invited me to a shindig last night, which was great. and i don't resent my other friends for not emailing back. i know that is just their way of saying, "not available/nothing to offer."
;
so the list of things i have to do today involve finish my spring cleaning- finally; let myself play with tshirts- for me and my amusement, and listen to NPR programs online that I missed over the weekend. oh, and drop off the recyclables that are slowly taking over the kitchen.
i've been growing increasingly frustrated w/ my lack of memory retention as of late. i wish there were names and facts that were just imbedded in my memory. things to do with the war, with social activism, with the ecology. instead what i often retain is some smudge that looks like something i once knew on the window of my brain. thank god i'm great in the sack. i'll always have that as a reassurance to my value and worth on the planet. anyhow, i've been thinking about keeping a notepad by me when i listen to my NPR programs so i can start jotting down quotes, names and statistics. kind of keep a log so that i can always go back and refresh, refresh and refresh my memory about things i've heard. and as i think about this, i ask myself if i'll really do that or if it's just a nice idea. and maybe that is the problem- commitment. maybe i just don't commit things to memory out of laziness. maybe i have a non-stick brain and i need to put just a little more effort in my retention than my other brilliant, intellectual friends. you know, i have to do things that make me happy- i'm worth the extra effort. and taking notes during NPR is just a good idea. i'm doing it for me, right? am i not worth that little bit of extra effort? there seems to be a debate about that in my internal compartments. well, let love rule- self-love included. love as a home, not as a reward, yes?
Kman
so it is 10:52pm. i've been cleaning my apartment for the last three hours- and really, it is just a small studio. but i still have so much more to do. i'm doing a bit of a deep clean; getting rid of things i haven't used in years- if ever. filing away things that have been collecting dust and doing some minor rearranging. it feels good. cleansing, of course.
so my friend, Moni, turned me onto this weeks episode of "Speaking of Faith." Shane Claiborne was the man interviewed. it was so inspiring, so enlivening- and very challenging. it helped me get some things in perspective as i was cleaning and purging. community is so amazingly critical to our spiritual survival. and this idea of loving radically- in ways that are so far beyond anything our culture has to sell. i recommend giving the show a listening to: http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/newmonastics/index.shtml and here's the direct link to the mp3 of the show: http://download.publicradio.org/podcast/speakingoffaith/20070517_newmonastics.mp3 i was inspired to face up to some neglectful/fearful behavior i've been entertaining. i made a call and straighted out an old debt that has been lurking about in the back of my mind for over a year. so nice to purge! honesty- facing my responsibilites in the eye- is always the best policy. how often fear gets the best of me and i choose the lesser path in the name of self-preservation. something i find very hard to relinquish.
so i plan on setting up my sewing machine and start experimenting with more clothing stuff. this really is about the experience- letting the experience lead to the creation. instead of my ego setting the bar and creating the goals, i am choosing to let myself discover. if art is born out of observation, then the critical voice has no business in the act of creation. one foot in front of the other- following the sound of life as it waves and crashes onto my shore. that is my intention and prayer.
Kman out.
from this morning's journal:
so I had a dream that Buffy and Willow were in this school gymnasium and there was this voice that was whispering, talking nonstop about their destruction. they were both crouched down, back to back looking around at this voice- scared and not sure how to handle it. I came into the center of the room and started talking louder than the voice, about- I think about how I was love and I may have even done some toning. trying to clear the presence out. when I was done the voice was louder and more insistent about our doom. I think Giles came through at one point and we all went into another room and then back through the gymnasium, but the voice had stopped at this point. like the focus was somewhere else. I thought about different was that could have gone down; like I could have demanded that the presence show itself and stop with the special effects. I could have stopped and just listened to the voice instead of being afraid of it- like not block it but see what it actually has to say- allow space for a shift instead of reacting. it was saying that this was the day that would be our end- things along that line. but it was just talking, there was no action, you know? isn’t that like my depression. all this talk about being useless and life being pointless- that I am not worth anything. but it is just talk. it is not real- it is empty threats. and I can be afraid and give up my power, fight it and have it fight back, or just walk away and no that it is not real- it is the threat of death that never comes. it’s power is in intimidation, not in anything substantial. it has no real power.
